I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
two words...techno handjob
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
