I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize