ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Randomize
