Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
