At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
