Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Randomize
