I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
