We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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