physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
