I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
