I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
