Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
