my sisters under your porch take her home
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
