My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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