Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
