i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
being pregnant is like rehab
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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