and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I look better un-naked...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
