u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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