The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He? As in you personified your dick?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize