you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
