Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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