Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
