Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize