Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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