I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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