Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
