i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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