I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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