apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
