He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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