every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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