I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
