No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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