i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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