Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
