3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
