Duck Duck Cougar?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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