So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
