I think my fart just growled at me.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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