wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
