ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
