then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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