We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
