i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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