I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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