if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
