I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
ugly people sure do ruin things
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
