So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
then he tried to convert me to islam
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
