I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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