I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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