wakey wakey hands off snakey
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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