ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
How external is "for external use only"?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
