she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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