You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
