I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
