Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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