You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
