Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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