anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
