If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
