she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
