did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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