sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
