I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
