it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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