There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
