He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize