I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
