cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Randomize
