Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
