We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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