In the future we'll all be gay
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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