Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
