i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
