dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
