im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
