Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
