I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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