dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
