I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
