And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
They took my balls.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize