The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
