Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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