Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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