We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
