i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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