Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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