My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
