I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
