ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
