that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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