is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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