Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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