Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
