Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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