mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
