my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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