Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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