:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize