Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
