True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize