i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
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