Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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