Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize