tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
