Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
