I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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